, Elaine. Having been in the positions of both gvinig and needing care, I've gradually learned something important to me. First, there is no such thing as gvinig without receiving, or receiving without gvinig. The giver always receives something, whether it is the feeling of being good or something as subtle as the opportunity to learn about oneself and about service. Or the gift the care-giver receives might be simple friendship; it might be an opening of the heart; it might be gvinig up our defenses against loving the unlovable. In gvinig, we continue learning what unconditional really means. Everything is a test even the easy things. As a former care-giver, I'm now learning the lessons of care-receiving. As the receiver, I now have to learn the lessons of unconditional receiving and these are perhaps even more difficult than the lessons of gvinig. It comes as a shock after years of service to find oneself on the other side. The first and hardest adjustment was to have to *ask* for help. As difficult as that was do when people were willing, it was even more painful to ask when you knew the giver resented it. So many challenges to deal with illness, pain, frustration and to try to do it gratefully and graciously. To appreciate what is given and to try to find the good in it, whether it is what one wants or not. To let to of the pride that one had in being able to take care of oneself and others, and to find the self-respect in doing what you can and accepting the rest. To do all this without focusing on all the if only I coulds and I used to be able tos in our present lives. No one *expects* to find themselves in this position. I didn't. I was certain that I'd work until the end and assumed that included being well able to care for myself without needing help. The things we have to learn!

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